Staying Positive

Good Afternoon Munchkins!

Today I will be talking to you about positivity and how to maintain it. I decided I would write a blog post on this because in this day and age, the rates of depression, self-harm and suicide are ever increasing and I just wanted to share some tips in hope that it will combat this for some of you. These aforementioned situations are extremes but I can honestly say from experience that it can go from just being sad to having no motivation to do anything anymore very quickly. Also, I haven’t had a chat with you in ages so thought this would be a good time to do so.

I’m just going to do a quick round up for you about where I’m coming from when I say this but if you don’t want to read about this, I’m absolutely fine with that and you can just skip onto my tips. This isn’t a ‘poor me’ plea either, I just want to let you know my situation and that I’m not just anyone sat here giving you advice (I said ‘just’ twice in the same sentence, I’m sorry!). Around September/October time last year I was just a very sad, empty, broken person. It’s kind of weird looking back because I still don’t feel like I’ve made a *miraculous* recovery and so I can put myself back into those situations and feel the exact same. By that point I felt confused and hurt and didn’t know where or how I stood with anyone. My parents had split up, my Dad had found a new place to live, my ex-boyfriend had got with an incredibly stunning new girlfriend, I never felt like a priority to my Mum, myself and one of my longest friends had a huge falling out and I felt like I had no one. Although I had friends and could joke about at school, I would get home and it was that sense of ‘back to reality’. I was just very alone. I was doing things that I now regret and I was starting to want to take my own life. In no way should anyone ever have to feel like this. I just felt like a huge failure and disappointment and it would be so much easier if I wasn’t here anymore. All my hopes and dreams just disintegrated into nothingness. My lowest moment that I can remember is just staring at a blank wall for hours on end just waiting to sleep and hoping that when I closed my eyes that would be it. That’s when I knew it had gotten bad. I was seeing a counsellor at the time but I didn’t like the answers I was getting (basically) so stopped seeing him. At this point I realised what I wanted more than anything was to be happy again and for my brothers to grow up knowing that I was approachable and actually there for them. I basically found out what I wanted to do (despite falling out of love with everything I had previously adored, including blogging and makeup) and built myself up to do so. I’m a very head-strong person so it doesn’t really surprise me that I did it myself (without wanting to blow my own trumpet) but it still scares me that I went with my emotions for so long. Although I have relapsed (I think that’s the right word to use) a few times and will probably do so more, it doesn’t scare me as much because I know now what I need to do and how to do it instead of just being that little person with no hope. I think the last time it happened was February, so I’m doing pretty well! Obviously some things still hurt or upset me but that’s life and I know that; there’s a very fine line between being sad and being depressed.

Now that depressing story is over, I can finally move on to these staying positive tips! These are things that I find work best for me and make me feel better so you may want to tweak them slightly or customize them, but the original idea should be of some use.

Let Yourself Be Sad (Sometimes)

This one, I think, is fundamental to just processing as a human in general. This is something I do on a regular basis and I just think it reduces the likelihood of you combusting your emotions and causing or creating something so much worse. Just don’t forget with this one that it’s okay to be sad for a day or two, just so long as it’s not prolonged because then you’re stuck in that dark hole. For example, when it was the 10 year anniversary of my granddad’s death last month, I spent that entire day crying. I then woke up the next day and felt just as I normally do and proceeded to my daily life. If it’s something huge or something ‘you’re supposed to cry at’, do it! Don’t let your emotions overwhelm you, it is okay to be sad and you should let yourself do just that.

Stop Doing What You’re Doing If It’s Negative Towards You

This one could be a bit more difficult, but it is worth it. Whether it’s a person, situation, daily process, delete it from your life! You do only get one life so don’t spend it worrying about x, y and z, spend it doing exactly what you love. If that’s becoming a full-time Mum, do just that. If that’s wanting to become a pilot, do just that! There is nothing stopping you and there is time for everything if you choose to make the time for it. You deserve to have a life and enjoy it just as much as everyone else does. My Nan used to say to me, my brother and my cousins (because we’re all layabouts!) ‘If you want to be a bin man, you do it and I’ll be there every step of the way. But if all you can do is be a bin man, I’m not going to be there to help you’. Take some advice from our Nan!

Do What Makes You Happy

Kind of following on from the last one, but this is also super important. You were put on this planet to do something and it’s up to you to make that possible. Something I’ve found that makes me really happy is reliving and re-finding things I loved in my childhood. If you read my last Favourites blog post, you will know that recently I’ve fallen back in love with reading, something I always did as a child. This just reminds me of those *calmer* times and removes me from my current situation and puts me into one I would much rather be in. It is also about finding the right things to distract you; I personally wouldn’t want anything too hard and heavy.Anyway, find something you love and get benefits from as oppose to negatives and use that as a foundation to building up your life again.

Try To Find The Positives In Everything

This can, again, prove quite difficult but over time it does get easier. I do this on a daily basis to try and cheer people or myself up and it does work. I am that annoying ‘let’s be positive’ person but it’s better than what I was! Examples include when my parent’s split up and my Mum was no longer having an affair, my Dad could start to move on and my Dad and Aunt actually got closer! It’s just little things like that; jumping to conclusions can sometimes be just as negative as anything else mentioned.

Don’t Turn To Even Worse Possibilities

This is something that I can relate to myself and may not seem so clear but it’s basically turning to things such as alcohol or drugs. I’m still kind of trying to get out of this mindset and I’m not an alcoholic or anything, but it does help me unwind and relax a little bit. This obviously doesn’t make things any better, it just dulls the pain a little bit, and can lead on to more negative aspects creating the circle of death within negativity. Just try to find more positive things to help dull the pain or distract you from what’s going on.

Take Compliments

My final point! We got there! This is something I cannot stress enough and is paramount to how I am building myself back up. I don’t get compliments very often so when I do it really imprints itself onto my brain and makes me oh-so-happy. I think one I got just after I had stopped my ‘staring-at-walls’ stage was looking healthy or better and it really made an impact on me and therefore made me look for more things to make myself even better and therefore gain more compliments. Of course life isn’t about being worshiped, but it’s nice to be told this kind of stuff. And don’t just brush it off or thank your makeup or your dress, just thank the person and compliment them back as they’re probably just as worried about themselves as you are about yourself. One of the things that’s always been evident in my life is my low self esteem and lack of body confidence so getting these kind of remarks really does make my day.

And there we have it! I hope you have enjoyed this blog post (as depressing as it may have started!) and it has helped you in some way. As I said in the beginning, I don’t want any sympathy, I would much rather know that at least one of these sentences as helped you than get the ‘I hope you’re okay’ messages. If you would like any more information, please don’t hesitate to ask me.

Thank you so much for reading, I love you very much and I’ll see you soon,

Rachel xx

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