Good Afternoon Munchkins!
Once again, long time, no see. Things are still a little bit hectic but I feel like now it’s the 6 weeks holiday (praise the Lord!), you might be seeing a bit more of me! This blog post isn’t at all planned (I was hesitating with the ‘Create a New Post’ button for a good 2 minutes over it. Woah, there pony!) but I just really feel like writing a chatty, my-brain-to-your-eyes kinda blog post. Yep, chatty ‘n’ deep, just how I like ’em! Oh dear, this has already gone very Rach-esque, moving swiftly on! I will be writing beauty and fashion posts, so no need to worry there, it’s just today I had to let out my positive energy whilst I had some ‘alone time’ (easier than the carrot cake challenge my step-mum has given me, oh joy!).
Recently I’ve been feeling this great desire (probably from not updating and talking to you guys on here) to make a difference. I know a lot of people may feel this, but I want to take immediate action that will affect those who are currently in my former position of thinking ‘I’m ugly’ or that their ‘fat’ or anything like that. I’ve kind of been dreaming of a dream world where I can become a plus size model and therefore inspire those who think those things. I know this is highly unlikely as compared to other plus size models (yes, I’ve been doing my research), I’m not toned and can’t keep my pasta/chocolate bulge contained in a ‘glamorous’ way, but it is something I would love to do. I wouldn’t want to do underwear as that’s still something I feel I need to work on within myself, but clothing that covers I feel would do me good enough. Also, think of the fun of having your hair and makeup professionally done in order to look gorgeous for your JOB! Yes please, thanking you muchly!
I kind of feel like plus size models/modelling is becoming a lot more popular as bigger people feel they are fitting more into the community, which is great. I know there are loads of ways of showing your views, but after watching a really old episode of the Kardashians and seeing Khloe doing the PETA shoot, I’ve kind of realised it’s OK to be bigger (though lets face it, she really isn’t!). I think celebrities like Gemma Collins and Rebel Wilson are definitely (for me, anyway) standout women who should be held responsible for this great leap of confidence, as well as many others. They’ve given me such help with ‘it’s fine to wear this if your this size’ and I think that’s why I’m so happy with the way I am. This time 2 years ago I hated the tops of my arms and wouldn’t show them to anyone, yet here I am soothing my burnt shoulders (again).
There are still things I don’t like about myself (tummy, thighs, feet), but I kind of think of the positives rather than the negatives. I know it’s easier said than done, but despite having a tummy I hate, I do have great curves which I do get complimented on (also, compliment others, it makes their day!). There are things I’m scared my boyfriend might judge (particularly thinking of my feet here, they need some serious TLC!), but just remember this little story if you take one thing from today, it really tickled me as well as taught me a lesson. One time I was listening to something on the radio where the two presenters (a man and a woman, to set the scene) were talking about nudity and being self-conscious and the man just went ‘No guy cares if one of your nipples is too far to the left, all they care about is the naked woman standing in front of them!’. This did cause my Mother and I to fall about in fits of laughter, but it did kind of teach me that as well as men loving practical more than theory, that the person who you love probably won’t care about the little things you worry about. This is something that has stuck with me for around 2 years, and hopefully for the rest of my life.
I don’t really remember the period where I became body confident, I just remember the time before and after. I think I can kind of guess where it all began as I’m one of those people who gets bored really easily and will therefore decide to become a better person overnight by doing random acts of kindness (which I think is the best kind). I have a feeling it’s when I looked in the long length ways mirror in my room at myself, not feeling anything other than sadness. I saw my short, fat legs, the roundness of my tummy, a slight shadow of what could be a collarbone and the weight surrounding my upper arms. I hated it, and always had done. I’ve probably mentioned it before, but as a child I was always on ‘diets’ as my Mum was also always on them (though she stuck to hers) and always convinced myself I was going to become a size 0. Looking in the mirror that day I felt like a disappointment to myself and those around me for not being the ‘perfect Rachel’ they had dreamed of that day my Mother found out she was having a girl. At this time, I could walk up and down my room whilst looking in the mirror, and did so, watching my legs jiggle about in my skinny jeans and my tummy bouncing a little bit in the loose sweater I’d chosen. I then realised even if I wore a skirt or a dress, my legs would still jiggle, but if it was loose, my tummy would be covered. This is something else that I’ve always carried with me. A dress can only help build your confidence, it won’t take off 2 or 3 dress sizes.
These are the kind of things I want to share with others through plus size modelling. I realise it’s not a sustainable career and will be over once I have children and reach my thirties, but at 14 years old that is my dream. I still want to become a makeup artist, but you can’t be particularly inspirational about being big and beautiful that way.
Thank you for reading this very ramble-y blog post. I don’t really know how to end it to be honest! I hope you’ve had a good few weeks, let me know what you’ve been up to!
Have a good Summer if I don’t see you again,